Michael Scott quotes are coined from words that come out of his mouth.
Are you familiar with one of the most popular comedy series The Office? If you are, then I am sure you will be familiar with the name Michael Scott
Michael Scott is the main act in the comedy series, The Office, where he served as the Regional Manager of the Scranton branch of a paper distribution company called Dunder Mifflin Inc.
In the series, Michael Scott who was portrayed by Steve Carell was silly, weird, annoying, and yet also fascinating and most times rather saddening.
To know more about this hilarious comedian, you can read our post on Michael Scott Net Worth, Age, And Biography, then you will be more familiar with him.
It might not be enough to know about a person only but to know also about his words, especially, his quotes. Now, you are about to know Michael Scott quotes.
This article presents 100 hilarious quotes by Michael Scott.
100 Michael Scott Quotes About Love, Friends, and Life
These are top 100 Michael Scott Quotes:
1. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”-Michael Scott
2. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”-Michael Scott
3. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”-Michael Scott
4. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”- Michael Scott
5. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!”-Michael Scott
6. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”-Michael Scott
7. “An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.”-Michael Scott
8. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”-Michael Scott
9. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”-Michael Scott
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10. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.”-Michael Scott
11. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.”-Michael Scott
12. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”-Michael Scott
13. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”-Michael Scott
14. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.”-Michael Scott
15. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”-Michael Scott
16. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.”-Michael Scott
17. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend”.-Michael Scott
18. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream”. Michael Scott
19. “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three”. Michael Scott
20. “I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer”. Michael Scott
22. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”-Michael Scott
23. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”-Michael Scott
24. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”-Michael Scott
25. “And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.”-Michael Scott
26. “I am Beyonce, always.”-Michael Scott
27. “It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.”-Michael Scott
28. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”-Michael Scott
29. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”-Michael Scott
30. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.”-Michael Scott
31. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”-Michael Scott
32. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’”-Michael Scott
33. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible”. Michael Scott
34. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth”. Michael Scott
35. “Dwight, you ignorant slut.”-Michael Scott
36. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”-Michael Scott
37. “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.”-Michael Scott
38. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”-Michael Scott
39. “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”-Michael Scott
40. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”-Michael Scott
41. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”-Michael Scott
42. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?”-Michael Scott
43. “I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it.”-Michael Scott
44. “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.”-Michael Scott
45. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”-Michael Scott
46.“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.”-Michael Scott
47. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”-Michael Scott
48. “Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.”-Michael Scott
49. “Number eight. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”-Michael Scott
50. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”-Michael Scott
51. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.”-Michael Scott
52. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.”-Michael Scott
53. “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.”-Michael Scott
54. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.”-Michael Scott
55. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”-Michael Scott
56. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”-Michael Scott
57. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does likes? You should grow candy.”-Michael Scott
58. “It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.”-Michael Scott
59. “I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be OK.”-Michael Scott
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60. “Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”-Michael Scott
61. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”-Michael Scott
62. “Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”-Michael Scott
63. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”-Michael Scott
64. “OK, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”-Michael Scott
65. “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”-Michael Scott
66. “Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”-Michael Scott
67. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.”-Michael Scott
68. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott
69. “Pizza: the great equalizer.”-Michael Scott
70. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”-Michael Scott
71. “I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish… sort of a virtual United Nations.”-Michael Scott
72. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus, or the front of the bus, or drive the bus.”-Michael Scott
73. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”-Michael Scott
74. “My mind is going a mile an hour.”-Michael Scott
75. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time, and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”-Michael Scott
76. “Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”
77. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.”-Michael Scott
78. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs… Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?”-Michael Scott
79. “Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace”. – Michael Scott
80. “They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.”-Michael Scott
81. “Here it is, the heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”-Michael Scott
82. “Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.”-Michael Scott
83. “You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”. – Michael Scott
84. “I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.”-Michael Scott
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85. “I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”. – Michael Scott
86.“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”-Michael Scott
87. “Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.”-Michael Scott
88. “Well, well, well, how the turntables.”-Michael Scott
89. “We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.”. – Michael Scott
90. “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”-Michael Scott
91. “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?”. – Michael Scott
92. “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”-Michael Scott
93. “Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.”-Michael Scott
94. “Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry that your party’s so lame.”-Michael Scott
95. “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”-Michael Scott
96. “Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?”-Michael Scott
97. “I hate so much about the things you choose to be.”-Michael Scott
98. It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculable.”-Michael Scott
99. “That’s what she said!”. – Michael Scott
100. Gabe Lewis: “Michael, you’ve just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?” Michael Scott: “Yes. Of course. What’s this in reference to?”. – Michael Scott
Michael Scott Quotes (Summary)
Michael Scott Quotes – This is an article that brings to you 100 quotes about the popular actor in the comedy series, “The Office”. His name is Michael in the movie although his original name is Steve Carrell.
After the movie in which he featured as one of the main actor, many people became fans of this professional actor and wants to know more about him.
Michael Scott quotes are quotes gotten from words from him to help many people aspiring to be like him.
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