Michael Scott Quotes

Michael Scott quotes are coined from words that come out of his mouth.

Are you familiar with one of the most popular comedy series The Office? If you are, then I am sure you will be familiar with the name Michael Scott

Michael Scott is the main act in the comedy series, The Office, where he served as the Regional Manager of the Scranton branch of a paper distribution company called Dunder Mifflin Inc. 

In the series, Michael Scott who was portrayed by Steve Carell was silly, weird, annoying, and yet also fascinating and most times rather saddening.

To know more about this hilarious comedian, you can read our post on Michael Scott Net Worth, Age, And Biography, then you will be more familiar with him.

It might not be enough to know about a person only but to know also about his words, especially, his quotes. Now, you are about to know Michael Scott quotes.

This article presents 100 hilarious quotes by Michael Scott. 

100 Michael Scott Quotes About Love, Friends, and Life

These are top 100 Michael Scott Quotes:

1. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”-Michael Scott  

2. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”-Michael Scott 

3. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”-Michael Scott 

4. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”- Michael Scott 

5. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!”-Michael Scott 

Michael Scott Quotes About Life

6. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”-Michael Scott 

7. “An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.”-Michael Scott 

8. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”-Michael Scott 

9. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”-Michael Scott 

Related: Quotes About Hard Work And Perseverance

10. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.”-Michael Scott 

11. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.”-Michael Scott 

12. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”-Michael Scott 

13. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.”-Michael Scott 

14. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.”-Michael Scott 

15. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”-Michael Scott 

16. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.”-Michael Scott 

17. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend”.-Michael Scott 

18. “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream”. Michael Scott 

19. “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice… strike three”. Michael Scott 

20. “I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer”. Michael Scott 

22. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”-Michael Scott 

23. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”-Michael Scott 

24. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”-Michael Scott 

25. “And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.”-Michael Scott 

26. “I am Beyonce, always.”-Michael Scott 

27. “It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.”-Michael Scott 

28. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”-Michael Scott 

29. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”-Michael Scott 

30. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.”-Michael Scott

31. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”-Michael Scott 

32. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’”-Michael Scott 

33. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible”. Michael Scott 

34. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth”. Michael Scott 

35. “Dwight, you ignorant slut.”-Michael Scott 

36. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”-Michael Scott 

37. “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.”-Michael Scott 

38. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”-Michael Scott 

39. “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”-Michael Scott 

40. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”-Michael Scott 

41. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”-Michael Scott 

42. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?”-Michael Scott 

43. “I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it.”-Michael Scott

44. “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.”-Michael Scott 

45. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”-Michael Scott 

46.“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.”-Michael Scott

47. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”-Michael Scott

48. “Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.”-Michael Scott 

49. “Number eight. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”-Michael Scott 

50. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”-Michael Scott

51. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.”-Michael Scott

52. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.”-Michael Scott 

53. “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.”-Michael Scott 

54. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.”-Michael Scott 

55. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”-Michael Scott 

56. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”-Michael Scott 

57. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does likes? You should grow candy.”-Michael Scott 

58. “It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.”-Michael Scott 

59. “I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be OK.”-Michael Scott 

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60. “Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”-Michael Scott 

61. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”-Michael Scott 

62. “Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”-Michael Scott 

63. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”-Michael Scott 

64. “OK, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”-Michael Scott 

65. “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”-Michael Scott 

66. “Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”-Michael Scott 

67. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.”-Michael Scott 

68. “I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.” – Michael Scott 

69. “Pizza: the great equalizer.”-Michael Scott 

70. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”-Michael Scott

71. “I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish… sort of a virtual United Nations.”-Michael Scott 

72. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus, or the front of the bus, or drive the bus.”-Michael Scott 

73. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”-Michael Scott 

74. “My mind is going a mile an hour.”-Michael Scott

Michael Scott Quotes About Mind

75. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time, and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”-Michael Scott 

76. “Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”

77. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.”-Michael Scott 

78. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs… Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?”-Michael Scott 

79. “Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace”. – Michael Scott 

80. “They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.”-Michael Scott 

81. “Here it is, the heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”-Michael Scott 

82. “Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.”-Michael Scott 

83. “You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”. – Michael Scott 

84. “I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.”-Michael Scott 

Related: Money Heist Quotes

85. “I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”. – Michael Scott 

86.“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”-Michael Scott 

87. “Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest… that’s what she said.”-Michael Scott 

88. “Well, well, well, how the turntables.”-Michael Scott 

89. “We’re all homos. Homo… Sapiens.”. – Michael Scott 

90. “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”-Michael Scott 

91. “I don’t want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?”. – Michael Scott 

92. “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”-Michael Scott 

93. “Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.”-Michael Scott 

94. “Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry that your party’s so lame.”-Michael Scott 

95. “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”-Michael Scott 

Michael Scott Quotes About Russia

96. “Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?”-Michael Scott 

97. “I hate so much about the things you choose to be.”-Michael Scott 

98. It’s simply beyond words. It’s incalculable.”-Michael Scott 

99. “That’s what she said!”. – Michael Scott 

100. Gabe Lewis: “Michael, you’ve just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?” Michael Scott: “Yes. Of course. What’s this in reference to?”. – Michael Scott 

Michael Scott Quotes (Summary)

Michael Scott Quotes – This is an article that brings to you 100 quotes about the popular actor in the comedy series, “The Office”. His name is Michael in the movie although his original name is Steve Carrell.

After the movie in which he featured as one of the main actor, many people became fans of this professional actor and wants to know more about him.

Michael Scott quotes are quotes gotten from words from him to help many people aspiring to be like him.

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